Humorous Death Quotes

All the quotes in this collection (depending upon circumstances) are suitable to be used as part of a eulogy speech.

	It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life - Monty Python Lyrics Here	I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Winston Churchill
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realise I'm listening to it. George Carlin	One day can make your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is, is four or five days that change everything. Beverly Donofrio
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. Somerset Maughan	Nothing in life is certain except death and taxes Benjamin Franklin	Immortality: a fate worse than death. Edgar Shoaff
The art of dying graciously is nowhere advertised, in spite of the fact that its market potential is great. Milton Mayer		At my age, I'm often asked if I'm frightened of death and my reply is always, I can't remember being frightened of birth. Peter Ustinov
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. George Bernard Shaw	A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing women --all at the same time. It was a lovely funeral. Unknown	The annoying thing about being an atheist is that you'll never have the satifaction of saying to believers, ‘I told you so.' Mark Steel
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome Isaac Asimov	Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped Groucho Marx
	Suicide would be my way of telling God that I quit Tom Kleffman The idea is to die young as late as possible Ashley Montagu	Most people can't bear to sit in church for an hour on Sundays. How are they supposed to live somewhere very similar to it for eternity? Mark Twain
According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two! Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. Jerry Seinfeld	The living are just the dead on holiday Maurice Maeterlinck Death: A fate worse than life. J. J. Furnas	Anderl Heckmair spent his life as a mountaineer and led the first successful ascent of the North Face of the Eiger in 1938. He was told by a fortune teller in the thirties that he would die an unnatural death. ‘Oh no!' he exclaimed. ‘That means I'll die in bed.'